Lulu Limerick Contest!

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To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Lulu is hosting the Lulu Limerick Contest from March 12 – 14, 2012. All entries must be submitted as comments to this blog post by 11:59pm EST on March 14. The winner will be selected by Lulu and announced by Thursday, March 15, at 4:30pm EST.

Enter the Lulu Limerick Contest

We’d love to hear your knee-slappin’ jest

Below, post your rhyme

Beware: limited time

We’ll judge and award the best


Lulu will select one first-place winner to win a NOOK™ and $100 Lulu credit, and one second-place winner to win $100 Lulu credit.

Rules and Regulations:

  • Please play nice – entries should be family-friendly
  • No limit to the number of entries per person
  • All entries must be submitted in the form of a comment on this blog post
  • All entries should follow AABBA rhyme scheme, as defines a limerick
  • All entries must be submitted by 11:59pm EST on March 14, 2012
  • Lulu reserves the right to determine the winners at our sole discretion
  • Upon being contacted, winners must respond with a mailing address within 48 hours of being contacted.

254 thoughts on “Lulu Limerick Contest!”

    There was a young man from Zaire
    Who thought he had nought to afear
    Till a gorilla jumped out
    From the jungle about
    And sent him screaming right into next year.

  2. Michael Birchmore

    There’s a company called Lulu
    That was founded in 2002.
    They help writers publish for free
    As they have helped me
    and believe it or not this is true.

  3. Michael Birchmore

    There was an eminent supporter of Portsmouth
    Who had a reputation as a bigmouth
    So desperate was the club
    For a decent sub
    They brought him on as a goalmouth.

  4. Michael Birchmore

    Jane was a lady who played hockey
    And for lent gave up her eating of choccy.
    Her determination not to give in
    Inspired her team more to win
    And now she is slimmer but cocky.

  5. There once was a writer with gall
    who followed most rules not at all.
    Said he, “Call me a sinner,
    but name me the winner!”
    (To the judges: Ignore the fourth wall.)

  6. There’s a place to go to publish your book,
    And if you rhyme for them you could win a NOOK!
    So make no haste today
    When people ask you can say: is the place to go look.

  7. Two characters named Tiger and Tuff
    Started out as friends in chapter one – then Tiger got rough.
    He stole a kiss from Tuff’s girl who then spat in his face
    Then Tiger scampered away at a very fast pace.
    He stole the gold from the train by blocking the line
    Chased away all the good guys and had a very fine time.
    Tuff took after the bad guy and told him his fate
    To die on the pages of a novel would be great.
    The author edited the pages, had it proof read by you
    Then proudly had it successfully published by Lulu.

  8. Nook I got a book! Why don’t you look for a nook to read a book! Turn on the Nook and you will look all over lulu for a great book it just shows you how good it is to read a book on the Nook from lulu!

  9. Thirty Seven
    Ready to pour it all out
    I’m back at it once again.
    Couldn’t keep my thoughts locked
    Up and resorted to abusing my pen.
    Wasting away his ink, bringing his
    Life to an end.
    Simply translating thoughts
    To bend my reality.
    Only way to make me happy…
    Running away from it all to avoid
    Dealing with me
    My own problems
    I’ve avoided…
    Without writing I fabricate
    Voids with emotionless emotions.
    When I pick up a pen I might
    Crack a smile or tears
    Might start flowing.
    This book started about me
    Now it revolves around you.
    My love for you
    Has grown and I’ll still keep it
    Caged…let it remain unknown.
    You know exactly what to
    Say. I know exactly how to mess it up.
    I ignore this disgusting repulsive feeling in my gut…
    Sew a zipper on my mouth to just try to shut up.
    Keep my mouth shut.
    I just want to say I like you
    And at the moment you’re all I’ve ever wanted.
    I’ve said it to others before but they’ve proved me wrong. It
    Hurts to know you won’t prove me
    Right and instead throw me aside and all these possibilities
    Have my mind racing. To know you won’t take my
    Heart into consideration.
    Perspiration produces as
    I try to tell you the truth
    My stomach rumbles and I puke
    The words
    “I love you”

  10. Shortened to 5 lines.
    The author wrote characters named Tiger and Tuff
    Who start out as friends – then Tiger gets rough.
    He steals gold and a kiss then gets spat in the face
    Tuff takes off after Tiger who flees at a very fast pace.
    LuLu prints the the story when the author knows it is good enough.
    lol….I never could write the short version of anything :-)/

  11. There once lived a writer in Rome,
    a little town that he called home.
    He encountered a block
    to his dismay and shock,
    Even so, he COMPLETED his tome.

  12. For reading, I never use Nook,
    I’d rather be reading a book.
    But money is nice,
    So please do roll the dice:
    If I win, I will sure take a look.
    There once was a poet who sweated
    Whenever his poems were vetted.
    He wrote them down thrice,
    And wouldn’t play nice
    When anyone else had an edit.
    For limericks I have a gift,
    And haiku, I say, is as nift,
    But give me a rhyme
    And a little more time
    And I’ll bring you a paradigm shift!

  13. Charise Y. Ridley

    From the age that I can remember…
    writing has been in my blood..
    There’s so much I want to share,
    Stories I have written, that I want to be heard.
    Lulu has made it possible, when others have said no…
    To publish my manuscripts, not one…not two..not three…but four!!

  14. I remember a time in my life,
    long before I had me a wife.
    I wanted to write
    and spent every night
    married to grammatical strife!

  15. Charise Y. Ridley

    Everybody has a story to share, to tell
    Even when you think you can’t write, write anyway,
    Somebody may be waiting to hear what you have to say..
    Who knows…you just may be the person to be of help to someone along the way!

  16. There once lived a librian on a bookshelf,
    she told everyone she was the book-elf.
    Of course, no one believed this to be true,
    and some thought she’d lost the clue.
    But then, she hardly believed herself.

  17. Your shiny green lulu books
    Are ready for some shamrock looks
    The one that contains the pressed four-leaf clover
    Is bound to get the twice-over
    Wear your spiffy green bow tie to win those Nooks!

  18. The limerick, by folk poetical
    Is scorned as an art-form pathetical.
    But such narrow vision
    I hold in derision,
    For I am the poet heretical.

  19. Michael Birchmore

    A poem’s creator can be “anonymous”
    or they could be psuedynomous.
    But you need not fear
    that the limerick’s creator was Lear
    or anyone whose name was heteronymous.

  20. There once was a old girl named Lin
    a rock concert near done her in
    she thought she could groove
    she thought she could prove
    that she wasnt older than sin

  21. There once was this girl, called Juliet.
    Who ly dreaming of Romeo in her bed.
    Her father was very annoyed
    and had her dreams destroyed.
    Both Romeo and Juliet ended up dead.

  22. a Cuban- American girl i raised
    grew up and meet a red hair very tall man who’s family decent was English and Irish.
    This dish was complete when the pair got hitched and made beautiful kids with blue eyes and blond hair and tan skin for the boy and milky white peaches and cream for the girl with shinny brown hair and beautiful eyes. like Lucy and Desi IN reverse the realized we are Cub-Irish.

  23. Dinos, they say, are extinct,
    killed by a ‘stroid as they blinked.
    But birds of a feather,
    such flocking together,
    I think they and the dinos are linked!

  24. Math and its many components,
    the pluses; the times; and exponents,
    got together to see
    the correct property
    of the glory of logical moments.

  25. a sherpa showed them to their seats
    not sure but she thought she saw God
    she drank, that was wrong
    the beer was so strong
    and the air smelled really quite odd
    She made it till they took their first break
    then begged to go home so she could
    throw up from the migrane that hit her
    mercifully her friends understood
    The moral of this long story
    time takes a huge toll on you
    dont pretend to be young
    new songs can be sung
    that are quieter and make more sense too

  26. The Leprechaun,a puckish wee sprite
    Painted me toes in the middle of night
    When I could not get them clean
    Thought this must be gan-green!
    So I repainted them Titania white!

  27. Amazing the things one can do,
    with desire and bit of luck, too.
    Write it all down,
    the verbs and the nouns,
    but watch for adverbial goo!

  28. So clever a turn of a phrase,
    ain’t thought in my mind in such days.
    Turns out that it came,
    and it wasn’t so lame,
    If good enough, then maybe it pays!

  29. If a Cat can look at a King
    A bird can fly on one wing
    But a rat is much faster
    to skate on a caster
    And dance with a snake in a ring
    A dog that sniffs its behind
    Will always be slow in the mind
    But a whippet is quicker
    when deprived of liquor
    Comes chasing along with a Hind

  30. Clean limericks just don’t make the cut
    So give me a limerick with smut
    ‘Cause the naughtier blokes
    With their off-color jokes
    Always make this old lass bust a gut

  31. Robert Carmack

    She stated, I Do,
    But really did not,
    After tying the knot,
    They only fought,
    So, back to the judge to undo.

  32. Robert Carmack

    Just one more wee drink before heading home,
    Then really I must go,
    My head spins to and fro,
    Now I kneel before the porcelain throne.

  33. Robert Carmack

    I keep my focus upon the prize,
    Victory this time must be mine,
    To stand upon the top step this time,
    My triumphant visage in everyones’ eyes.

  34. They call me the travel apprentice
    Each pint that I raise is momentous
    We say cheers with our eyes
    Friendship is the prize
    Our memories together are precious

  35. Young girls, don’t get down in the dumps
    When the little boys treat you like chumps
    For when you’re all grown
    Those boys hearts you’ll own
    With the help of lipstick and some pumps

    There once was a man called George lucas
    Up his nose was a great deal of mucus
    He sneezed out a corker
    Over young Luke Skywalker
    who said “So the force is still with us!”

  37. There once was a gal from Belize
    Who just felt that life was a breeze
    She decided to surf
    Near the reef was her turf
    And slid down the breakers with ease

  38. Lulu said to keep the limerick clean
    I’m not quite sure I know what they mean
    Limericks are dirty
    Like swamps are murky
    And are suppose to be obscene

  39. I was looking high and low
    when I reached the other end of the rainbow.
    Well, it was kinda stupid from me,
    because there was nothing to see.
    That pot of gold was a no show.

  40. There once was a girl from Raleigh
    Who thought she could make some lolly
    For a cause as worthy as St Baldrick’s
    Though she worried about being a bald chick
    But exceeding her goal made her jolly

  41. ‘Whereas’ for this and ‘therefore’ for that,
    legalese all the smart lawyers spat.
    While truth there might be
    in that gobble-dee-gee,
    such only makes thin wallets fat.

  42. There once was a man oh so bored;
    he twiddled with twine and with cord.
    Until the thought hit him,
    and how it did fit him!
    He went and invented the Ford.

  43. There once was a kid playing ball;
    his legs were so lanky and tall.
    He’d outgrown his shoes,
    but he never did lose,
    till the one day his feet took a fall.

  44. He wooed her with flowers and kisses
    But still she remained quite dismissive
    Til a blue box from Tiff’ny
    Gave her an epiph’ny
    And changed that near miss to a missus

  45. I am editor. Fear my red pen.
    Your mistakes bring me feelings of Zen
    And when my corrections
    Are met with objections,
    I say, “Kiss my asterisk then!”

  46. Robert Carmack

    There once was a girl named Patty,
    who wished for a love quite madly,
    along came a boy name of Kevin,
    who promised to take her to heaven,
    things didn’t go well,
    they ended in hell,
    she now feels quite sadly,
    that things ended so badly,
    now both have a tale to tell.

  47. The Four Leaf Clover
    My Mother had an uncanny gift
    That at times was beyond belief
    She could wander thru a Clover patch
    And spot one with the fourth leaf
    I have tried to find at various times
    Whilst on my hand and knee
    But look as I may, I can only find, the one with only three
    It is said that the Four Leaf Clover, has a Celtic birth
    It represents the elements, Air, Fire, Water and Earth
    And the Druids say it is good luck, to carry one with you
    As it will ward off evil spirits, that harbor a chosen few
    And Irish favor will come your way, if it’s covered in morning dew
    We are a direct result, of what wild seeds we sow
    My Mothers gone to heaven now and how I miss so her so

  48. St Patrick’s day is soon
    I finished my first novel at noon
    Lulu might get a peek
    I just can’t let it leak
    It might turn into a cartoon

  49. St Patrick was a winner
    I might just cook a green dinner
    Lulu says, it is a Lulu credit
    So I started then re-read it
    Because I am just a beginner

  50. There once lived a ghost in the attic.
    With screaming, it was so emphatic.
    Till not by its choice,
    a witch took its voice,
    and now his screams seem so erratic.

  51. I shouldn’t have woken up today
    My mistress isn’t here to obey
    Sitting on the floor with nothing to do
    To pass the time I’ve got a bone to chew
    I can’t wait until she comes back to play

  52. A tongue-tied young man from Killarney,
    Got advice from a silver-tongued carny:
    “All the glibness you seek
    Is the stone’s mystique
    You’ll be gifted with gab by the Blarney”

  53. The politically correct Limerick perfected
    It was much more harder than I expected
    Creating a couple of rhymes without bite
    I splurged and did it all in one night
    But I think my allusions will get rejected

  54. There once was a Limerick King,
    who ruled with his Limerick Queen.
    He gave the words notes
    with the music he wrote,
    and now they both Limerick Sing.

  55. My brother is writing a Novel,
    Its kinda hard to unravel
    The plot twists and turns,
    My eyes hurt so much it burns,
    Made for an editor to disentangle.

  56. I live in this hard life,
    I want love and a wife.
    Love is what you make of it,
    take your time and hold back a bit.
    Be careful who your friends are,
    because they can turn out to be road tar.
    No I don’t smoke that man,
    but give me that drink can.

  57. On St. Patrick’s Day join in the fun.
    We’re all Irish that day — yes, each one.
    So wear green, find a pub,
    Eat some cabbagy grub,
    And until you’ve drunk beer, you ain’t done.

  58. Michael Birchmore

    Money’s the root of all evil
    There’s profit in gain or retrieval
    The man known to have said it
    up to his eyes in credit
    is beyond all known words adjectival.

  59. There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
    But his daughter named Nan,
    Ran off with a man.
    And as for the bucket,

  60. I once wrote a story so new,
    that I just had to publish “Lulu”–
    I held that book in my hand,
    and sold it ‘cross the land,
    But I gave the first copy to you.

  61. Charise Y. Ridley

    ST. Patrick’s Day? Oh you don’t say…
    Lulu, as usual has made my day,
    Colored it green, with bargains galore…
    Saving us dollars, while shopping in the bookstore.
    Happy St. Patrick’s Day to Y’all…
    Taking my green…and having a Ball!

  62. Charise Y. Ridley

    My daughter’s wearing green from head to toe…
    Carrying a little book with her that she bought from Lulu’s bookstore,
    She’s a little girl, in the sixth grade, you know…
    Penned that book of poetry…
    When she was a toddler, she had just turned 4!

  63. There once was an aspiring writer,
    a true-born literary fighter;
    Myriad fans read her books,
    Worshipped her good looks;
    And not one in a million could slight her.
    It was a dark and stormy night,
    So why did I go fly my kite?
    The lightning struck true,
    My body flashed blue,
    And now I’m all dressed in white!
    What is it with St Patrick and snakes?
    I guess you do whatever it takes;
    But here’s the truth of the matter,
    He baked them in batter,
    And sold them as serpentine steaks.

  64. Today I watched the sunrise
    The beautiful colors were a great surprise
    I stayed way too long
    Listening to a Beatles song
    9:00 AM; I’m late. This just well may be my demise.

  65. Harun Adinoyi Yusuf

    They say: “Enter the Lulu limerick contest.”
    I’d like to write plenty where’re the judges yet?
    Only five good lines
    And the judges sink like they struck a mine
    Well, I don’t care but you’re really not the best.

  66. The white reindeer came to our window today
    My son saw him and wanted to stay
    Give him milk; feed him food
    He was thankful – never rude.
    Imagination is the best way to play.

  67. Harun Adinoyi Yusuf

    can you please stop punching me
    stay a while without using me
    what sweet relief when i run out of battery
    but that is short lived again my misery
    tick tick tick buttons punched a phone i’ll forever be

  68. There once was a story to tell,
    how nations arose and then fell.
    They set down their heels
    and slipped on some peels.
    Banana republics aren’t well.

  69. There once grew a tree on a building,
    its branches were thick and unyielding.
    The building fell down;
    the tree held its ground.
    And now the tree grows in a fielding.

  70. I drink to the troops who protect me
    I drink to the men who respect me
    I drink ‘til my liver
    Fills up like a river
    This good will has just about wrecked me

  71. My stomach is grumbling; I want some fried fish
    Fried fish in fish tacos is the greatest dish
    Fish-n-chips is a classic
    Goes well with Vlasic
    But tacos are my dinner wish

  72. There once was a lonely exponent,
    a power of two for a moment.
    His number came up!
    Star power, FAME UP!
    A power of ten his atonement.

  73. Our TV shows all are on Hulu
    George Takei found fame beyond Sulu
    But where are the delighters
    For literate writers?
    We’re getting our kicks here with Lulu 🙂

  74. Clichés are the bane of good writing.
    They’re hackneyed and can be quite triting.
    So don’t platitude me!
    And don’t attitude me!
    With words I don’t want to be fighting.

  75. On a chill March morn’
    In a field of corn
    With a cob-made pipe,
    lay a man named Stipe,
    Entirely unforlorn.

  76. I looked in my wallet for money.
    ‘Twas none, which I thought was not funny.
    To pay for this meal,
    I stuttered with zeal,
    “Oh, thanks, but I really must runny!”

  77. My grass, it grows green in the summer.
    In winter it’s brown as a bummer!
    I bought me some paint,
    and brown now it ain’t.
    Alas! People say that I’m dumber!

  78. The galloping style of the verse is one sign
    Five lines that meld best with the structured end rhyme
    Some variant forms (anapestic) are seen
    With subjects that are not the least bit obscene
    Which limerick does best match this simple design?

  79. I sat here and thought, with my eyes closed.
    How good it would feel if my eyes dozed.
    I might miss a beat!
    Stuck here to my seat!
    “Precisely the point!” my eyes supposed.

  80. Michael Birchmore

    The limerick has a unique rhyming meter
    It doesn’t work if from it you stray or out peter.
    A way to remember its rhythm
    Without hypnotism
    Is to recite Bhagavad – Gita.

  81. Like the words to every love song written
    The rhythm to all the rhymes forgotten
    Your love is perfect and all mine
    Your kiss could sustain a lifetime
    For you I will always be smitten

  82. A man traveled from another world
    And watched evil plans as they unfurled.
    He fought armies at night
    And I had such a fright
    That my toes were most certainly curled!

  83. My friend said “I’ve written a book”
    but the publishers won’t take a look
    Go to Lulu I said,
    to my dearest friend Fred,
    Now he’s in print, on iPad and Nook

  84. Charise Y. Ridley

    With a pen in hand…
    A jug of water..
    And a big window fan.
    Pushing on the keys…
    Oh boy! They are stuck!
    Standing over my computer
    With a huge hockey puck!
    There’s a book in my head..
    Geez! It’s time for bed!

  85. An ode to the Judges…
    I’m sure you’ve by now had enough,
    of these limericks (some are quite rough)
    So why not have a break,
    and a nice piece of cake,
    ‘cos judges, your task is quite tough

  86. There once was a short man from Durham
    He often tried stilts, but they hurt ’em
    He’d walk down the street
    dodging bullets and feet
    ‘Till he reached his old house in the slum

  87. Francesca Zammit

    Francesca Zammit
    I’m rushing to tend to my flock
    Tick tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
    Congregation is waiting
    And anticipating
    A hoot as I trip on my frock!
    Francesca Zammit
    Most women have balls in the air
    They juggle their work and child care
    They know they’re the best
    They juggle the rest
    Whilst men only handle a pair!
    Francesca Zammit
    There once lazed a scoundrel named Ned
    Who refused to get out of his bed!
    Ergophobia he had
    His poor wife went quite mad
    She ran off with his doctor instead!

  88. OK – last one –
    While chatting with friends I tooted
    Embarassed, I said that my shoe did
    With fried beans for lunch
    I had a good hunch
    that my lie would be quickly refuted.

  89. I spent all my money on Enron,
    until I found out that I’d been conned.
    But now it’s too late,
    and it’s plain that my fate
    will involve some transactional end-runs.

  90. If I could store wishes in boxes;
    if I could unstink all my soxes;
    if power I had
    to undo the bad
    and make everything smell like phloxes.

  91. There once was a radiant star.
    It really was not all that far.
    Then one day it POOFED!
    Uh, oh, God’s goofed!
    But I think His next shot will make par.

  92. If only I weren’t such a geezer!
    A cougher, a snorter, a sneezer.
    I’d dance up a storm!
    And be FAR from my norm!
    And by the way be a crowd pleaser!

  93. Methinks of the days of my childhood,
    when living amid trees of wildwood.
    Snug deep in the ground,
    the bees were oft found,
    and sometimes amid all the piled wood.

  94. **couldn’t resist**
    It’s clear some poets don’t follow direction
    Since some of these ‘limericks’ won’t pass inspection
    Just five lines that’s it,
    With a rhyme scheme legit,
    Or your entry might end in rejection

  95. I’ve posted this request on twitter
    The message may seem to be bitter
    Let’s keep our neighborhood clean
    parks and grass should be green
    Let’s recycle and please don’t litter

  96. The trouble with some of my notions
    – my thoughts, my ideas, and my potions –
    Is the spells that I cast
    just don’t seem to last,
    And my broom seems to lack any motion.

  97. There once was a geezer from Blighty
    Who tried to contact the Almighty
    He asked for a book
    But got given a NOOK
    And ended up thinking  more tritely

  98. There once was a leprechaun who stepped on poo
    It happened while playing his kazoo
    In disgust he hopped on one leg
    then up ahead he saw a peg
    attached to a pirate holding a clue.

  99. A little green man, with big purple eyes
    Landed near my house, from deep blue skies
    He said “Join me earthling, you must oh you must”
    And sprinkled my face, with magical dust
    I woke up from my sleep, and the dust was just flies

  100. I once saw a boy in a dream,
    Where nothing was what it seemed,
    He said to me,
    “What do you see?”
    When there was nothing there to be seen.

  101. Circumference of a circle, is 2 pi r
    The radius can tell us, the center is how far
    Geometry is fun, don’t be scared
    The area of a circle, pi r squared
    If you know it, you can show; it you’re the Math star

  102. Circumference of a circle, is 2 pi r
    The radius can tell us, the center is how far
    Geometry is fun, don’t be scared
    The area of a circle, pi r squared
    If you know it, you can show it; you’re the Math star

  103. I love people who play the tuba,
    They are almost as awesome as Buddha.
    It is very large,
    It’s as big as a barge,
    That’s traveling to Bermuda.

  104. There once was a stray dog with fur long and sandy
    his life changed when he met Sally
    She took him home
    then brushed his fur with a comb
    afterwards she said “I’ll call you Harry.”

  105. I am restless, I am tired
    Waiting to hear, “you’ve been hired”
    I’m wishing for autonomy
    From the state of economy
    I need a stable job ’til I’m retired

  106. Francesca Zammit

    There once was a colleen from Limerick,
    And of the fair lads; she’ad her pick.
    There was Ender and John
    There was Padraig and Con
    Closing her eyes she just took the Mick!
    There once was a lad from Killarney
    Who with his betrothed had a Barney
    Oh ever so grand
    He just held out his hand
    And offered her a Guinness and a Sarny

  107. Story Time has been available for a year
    With the darling syndrome explained here
    While the 100% Man or else is quite brief
    And lost touch deals with overwhelming grief
    Beyond Repair may bring about a tear

  108. It all started with an unknown voice
    Deciding that this is the best choice
    Erasing the endless void of infinity
    With an explosion of life and liberty
    Then taking a brief moment to rejoice

  109. O to be Sappho in Sparta
    To writhe with each pure wood-nymph daughter
    To coil in the grove
    In sport or in love
    And pray that they give me no quarter

  110. Little Zsam having so much fun
    Out on the field under the sun
    Up above the rain began to fall
    She sat down and curled up like a ball
    The thunder roared so she quickly ran

  111. Leprechauns Revenge
    While walking one day in the woods
    one leprechaun misunderstood;
    the road had a bend
    he thought he would mend-
    now everyone’s lost there, but good!
    ©Denise-Marie Fisher

  112. There once was a girl name of Kay
    Who could read a good book in a day
    “How fine I would look
    if I had a new Nook!
    Especially if I didn’t pay!”

  113. There once was a saint name of Shaun
    Who awoke at the first crack of dawn
    St. Paddy’s Days here
    I’ll drink lots of beer
    And repent when this day is long gone.

  114. There was a young lass from Dover
    Who searched all day long through the clover
    My lucks all run out
    There’s no longer a doubt
    The good life is already over!

  115. A leprechaun’s big pot of gold
    Make him cocky and overly bold
    He said with a sneer
    I would buy you a beer
    But the cheap stuff is already sold.

  116. Judith Vorndran

    St. Patty has his own day
    And Leprechauns know how to play
    If anyone found that pot of gold
    Would he really let it be told
    Tell all, no way
    The rainbow is so grand
    The colors never bland
    The rainbow sends hope
    But all that gold, nope
    Better to just join a band

  117. Green shamrocks, bagels, and beer.
    Saint Patrick’s Day is almost here.
    Lulu offers great sales.
    Buy three get one, be happy don’t wail
    Let’s hear you cheer.

  118. Francesca Zammit

    There once was a cat born in Fife
    My baby, the love of my life
    She would snort, fart and purr
    Then shed most of her fur
    My husband said “Just like my wife.”
    There once was a bride-groom from Malta
    Who left his wife at the Altar
    The bride felt dizzy
    The best-man got busy
    And whisked her away to Gibraltar

  119. Francesca Zammit

    There once was a Lass on the snow
    With her skies and her sticks in tow
    Determined to shine
    She was skiing just fine
    Till she slipped and yelled out “Oh! No!”

  120. Francesca Zammit

    There once was a Paddy in a Bar
    Who was slapping his lips on his jar
    Got himself in a pickle
    When he ordered a triple
    And his wife stormed off in her car!

  121. Francesca Zammit

    There once was a girl on the beach
    As sweet and oiled as a peach
    She went for a dip
    And then for a kip
    Quite blissfully out of reach

  122. Harun Adinoyi Yusuf

    i saw the pain in your eyes
    a hail of unshed tears pained highs
    you bled from crushing the seed of your life
    your life’s blossom shrivelled drained at the sudden trust of a knife
    the grief of yesterday and the scars of tomorrow are etched on your thighs

  123. Harun Adinoyi Yusuf

    Laugh out loud
    Sail beyond the cloud
    Let your soul rest
    Our Dear God has done His best
    The rest’s left on a mound

  124. Harun Adinoyi Yusuf

    every minute of every day
    i wish i have you here to stay
    i’m dying from the love of you
    love to be with you
    like rain come water my soul from cupid’s bay

  125. A little man in green
    walked into a scene
    when he was noticed everyone fled
    except one who’s name was Fred
    now Fred’s rich if you know what I mean

  126. There once was a princess named Ella
    who met a charming fella
    on his head was a crown
    but then he dressed like a clown
    and on one hand he held on an umbrella

  127. Francesca Zammit

    Can’t go wrong with a Book
    But what about a Nook?
    The exploration of reading
    Whilst our minds are a feeding
    On words by the cook

  128. I’ve just published a book on Lulu’s web-site.
    I’ve been writing it for a year – I don’t lie.
    On this very night I am glad to inform
    About how I am cheer in spite being very poor.
    I just so really need this magnificent prize 🙂

  129. Love is blind, or at least it needs glasses,
    An affliction that cuts across classes.
    Though it starts as obsession,
    Its more like indigestion,
    You get it, you suffer, it passes.

  130. Last day to post, last day to play
    Later today this contest goes away
    Good luck to all, we all have a chance
    To hold the winning Nook and do a little dance
    Wishing you all a happy pi day

  131. Three point one four, one five nine
    No more digits, this much is fine
    Feel free to round it to three point one four
    Rest of the digits, I have to ignore
    You can keep the dollars, but the Nook is mine

  132. Francesca Zammit

    It just sounds better 🙂
    Can’t go wrong with a Book see
    But what about a Nook see?
    The exploration of reading
    Whilst our minds are a feeding
    On words conjured up by the cook see.

  133. I’ll keep making limericks, as I write
    For that prize, I’ll put up a fight
    Shop ’till you drop and buy another book
    But keep your eyes, off my Nook
    Anxiously waiting, for the middle of the night

  134. This Lulu contest, bold an daring
    A limerick now we are sharing
    Though one will arise
    And garnish the prize
    You’ve opened our eyes, thanks for caring.

  135. Slight modification to my previous limerick …
    The doughnuts I eat are delicious!
    I’m told that the holes are nutritious!
    Don’t know about that,
    as I measure my fat;
    If only that fat were fictitious!

  136. A tribute to March Madness …
    The madness I see is insane-ness!
    The brackets and bets are inane-ness!
    So if you have luck,
    and win all the bucks,
    their losses will count as your gain-ness!

  137. Confounded, I glance at the writing,
    I fear its the timing they’re fighting,
    The ebb and the flow
    Storylines, they should grow
    It makes the read much more exciting.

  138. My rainy day savings have dried up.
    That picture frame safe has been pried up.
    What WILL I do now?!
    I HAVE no cash cow!
    And all of my tears have been cried up!

  139. There once was a Canyon of Grand-ness,
    the deepest in all of the land-ness.
    A quake came along,
    and made it all wrong.
    The Canyon is now filled with sand-ness.

  140. The logic of life is perplexing!
    Its twists and its turns can be vexing!
    So work out your mind,
    and soon you will find,
    gray matter’s the muscle worth flexing!

  141. Yvonne Nappier

    I once knew a spry girl named Dawn.
    Her prose, quips and poems were da bomb.
    She’d toss out a phrase,
    change it the next day,
    and publish on!

  142. The once was a girl from Del Mar,
    Her dreams always did take her far.
    Often she’d surf,
    And play on the turf.
    Her happiness was always on par!

  143. Desdemona Cheerio

    I’ve tried to come up with a limerick
    that didn’t have nary a gimmerick
    but hard as I thunk it
    everything stunkit
    so I’m sending this little tidbiterick.

  144. A turn of a phrase in a sentence
    can give a bad tome its repentance.
    But just you beware
    — ‘cause I know that you care —
    Make sure it’s the meaning you meant-ance!

  145. I’m loving the new offer from lulu
    Think I’ll buy another book or two
    The choice is immense
    But one thing makes sense
    It’s all because of Paddy’s day – thank you!

  146. Write a limerick; win a Nook
    Win dollars towards a book
    I simply can’t resist
    to add to this list
    and hope that Lulu take a look!

  147. Crossed paths with a leprechaun yesterday
    ran after it but it jumped in the hay
    jumped right in, to my surprise
    a pot of gold appeared before my eyes
    but then the leprechaun took the gold away

  148. Jae A. Eberheart

    Steadily making our way up the shore
    To chase the children whom we adore,
    Startled, the children ran into the night
    Until they were clear out of sight
    Wailing and screaming, “Please chase us no more.”

  149. Jae A. Eberheart

    “Awesome new Banana Blue Jello!”
    “Nana-nana what ello?”
    “Banana Blue Jello, it’s delicous.”
    “It sounds ridiculous.”
    “You know you what some Banana-nana Blue Jellooo.”
    Lol, hope some of you got a laugh.

  150. There once was a spider from Spinville,
    who thought eating flies was so sinful
    He packed up his case
    and found a new space,
    and now he sips cider in Linville.

  151. Baseball humor …
    There once lived a man in disgrace,
    such trouble just showing his face
    But then he came out
    and said with a shout,
    “I’m returning that stolen third base!”

  152. A Shakespearean limerick:
    I wonder, now, whether to be
    Or not to be? For now I see
    And I must now mention
    That that is the question
    Which I must now posit of thee

  153. I’m afraid its now both Nappiers
    In these Limerick and writing affairs
    Award sister or brother
    If one or the other
    The bounty, indeed will be shared.

  154. ALIEN
    A ship out in space, it’s a screamer
    There’s a cat, John Hurt and Miss Weaver
    A stomach explodes
    During breakfast I’m told
    Because the sausages weren’t thawed properly when they were taken out of the freezer!

    In an alleyway just out of sight
    David Fincher is filming a fight
    Ed Norton is hit
    By the fists of Brad Pitt
    While Meat Loaf is acting like shite.

    She was a star but we thought we had lost her
    I’m talking about Jodie Foster
    Candleshoe, The Accused
    It was all just a ruse
    to Silence those Lambs for an Oscar!

  157. I’m afraid I agree with Manjit
    Until later, I fear, this is it
    I’ve work to attend
    So I’ll lay down this pen
    And before I am fired, I’ll quit.

  158. Samantha Mathews

    There was a young girl from the North,
    With dreams of exploring stretch forth.
    To cities she’s traveled,
    Where her pockets unraveled.
    So with only a thumb, she returned North.

  159. A writer whose daughter from Porter
    Robbed a bank, but the cops quickly caught her
    When the police arrived
    She gave up and sighed
    “Now it’s Life behind bars, bricks, and mortar!”

  160. Jae A. Eberheart

    My milk and cookies, everyday goodies
    My mass collection no task for rookies
    They’re all out for my treats
    But they’ll never taste a drop of my feats
    Just continue to buzz like honey bees
    ——– Another entry
    ‘Baby Question’
    Mommy where do babies come from
    And why do they suck their thumb?
    They come from a world of joy
    Same place you did my sweet little boy
    Excited for the day your sister come
    To add and build to our little nest
    Surviving another pregnancy God’s motherly test
    The joy and love to which all parents can relate
    For the day to come I can hardly wait
    To watch you grow and become your best
    To fly away and start your own flock
    All the while watching you like a hawk
    Till the day you have your own
    And have seen your own family grown
    To see family love is strong as a rock
    But at times they act up
    With stress parents all get their fair cup
    I won’t say now that I told you so
    Just a heads up so you can know
    I’ll just smile and nod with a simple, “Yup”

  161. I wrote a book
    It cost me dearly
    I’ve sold three copies
    Well, very nearly.
    One to a friend, one to a widow,
    One to prop open my office window.

  162. Okay, this is my last …
    There once was a leprechaun ditty
    that fell on our ears from the city.
    We knew it quite well,
    I’m happy to tell,
    and everyone thought it so witty.
    And everyone thought it so witty,
    that leprechaun song from the city.
    But truth be it told,
    we’d rather have gold,
    than ears filled with leprechaun ditty.

  163. Once upon a midnight dreary
    of writing limericks I was weary
    I will submit this one last verse
    and hope my bad luck does reverse
    with winning news that leaves me cheery

  164. Breakfast for lunch, or lunch for dinner
    Such unique menu, is totally a winner
    Bacon, eggs and cheese
    bring it on please
    I’m an iron chef, not a beginner!

  165. Regarding my penmates’ proposing
    To bring our artforms to a closing
    I’m enjoying the read
    So please, do not concede
    We’ll be through having fun when we’re dozing.

  166. Regarding my penmates’ proposing
    To bring our artforms to a closing
    I’m enjoying the read
    So please, do not concede
    We’ll be through having fun when we’re dozing

  167. **lied. One more! **
    Once upon a midnight weary
    I heard a ghost, it was so eerie
    “These limericks of yours just make me snore,”
    Poe’s ghost last words were “Nevermore,
    “Stop writing these things, they leave me dreary.”

  168. Charles Ulysses Fene

    The Irish Lady’s Seven Course Meal
    An Irish lady went on a diet of cabbage
    Hoping that it would reduce her flabbage
    But what it did produce was gas
    That would explode out from her ass
    It wasn’t just bad, it was classified as savage!
    Then she decided she’d add some corned beef
    It snuck up on her like a mythical night thief.
    When she’d least expect’em
    They’d expel from her rectum
    And they were massive, not some little girly queef!
    So she thought to experiment with carrots
    To see if they had any gas tempering merits.
    She put them in the stew
    But it produced a deadly brew
    That killed her hamster, cat, and two pet parrots!
    A friend suggested that she try adding leeks
    To tame the tiger that resided ‘tween her cheeks,
    Because onion’s hard to rhyme,
    The leeks results were not sublime.
    They made a sweet scallionesque odor that reeks!
    In desperation she tried adding a few spuds
    Hoping they’d turn her lethal farts to duds
    But she again became depressed
    Because her poofs were not repressed
    They exploded more than Saddam Hussein’s SCUDS.
    Finally her doctor said to add some Irish Whiskey,
    A last ditch attempt to make her flatulence less frisky.
    It didn’t turn out as expected.
    They fear she can’t be corrected.
    There’s just one last hope, but it’s exceptionally risky!
    They decided she should drink some beer in Butte
    To de-toxify her legendary rear end toot.
    If you see her in a bar
    You’d best get back into your car
    Lest ye be caught in her St. Paddy’s 21 bun salute!
    If you’re in Butte and someone yells out “Thar’She Blows”!
    Don’t turn around, just run like hell, and plug your nose.
    Because when this eruption goes off
    Folks will gag and choke and cough
    Like those Pompeians that Mount Vesuvius cruelly froze!
    Charles Ulysses Feney

  169. Jae A. Eberheart

    I decided to do an alternate/extended version of ‘Banana Blue Jello, hope you guys like.
    ‘Banana Blue Jello’
    “Awesome new Banana Blue Jello!”
    “Nana-nana what ello?”
    “Banana Blue Jello, it’s delicous.”
    “It sounds ridiculous.”
    “You know you what some Banana-nana Blue Jellooo.”
    “Don’t be silly I wouldn’t dare,
    To try something so weird I couldn’t care.”
    “Are you suuure,
    So yummy it could be a cure
    The blended taste is indeed something rare.”
    “Oh you’re right,
    I could eat this stuff all night
    I brought my own spoon I’m ready
    Someone just pass me a bowl already
    Jello and bananas are truly a delight!”

  170. Jae A. Eberheart

    Last one, *crossing fingers*
    ‘Evil Cupcake’
    “Behold Evil Cupcake, bow down
    And worship the icy crown.”
    “Yea, we’re gonna pass
    Besides it looks like it would give me gas.”
    “You dweebs know nothing, sweets run this town.”
    “Are you upset because we didn’t comply?”
    “Nope, your own foolishness if you wish to defy
    The awesomeness of Evil Cupcake
    To which no one could create.”
    “Umm you’re a bit strange so I won’t bother to reply.”
    “Beat it, you’re not worthy of his presents
    For you’re both just mere peasants.”
    “Come ooon, your mom just baked that up last night
    And passing it off as something special isn’t right.”
    “Still here dweebs?! Excuse your presence.”
    “Oh Evil Cupcake it’s just you and me
    For all are blind and refuse to see…
    Oh forget it no one seem to care
    You indeed are nothing special or even rare
    But a sweet delightful pastry.
    Come here Evil Cupcake it’s time to go
    To a special spot in my tummy you’re soon to know.
    Oh no I have no milk and my mouth is full
    Evil Cupcake you have made me a fool
    Instead of indulging the evil I should’ve said no.”

  171. Yes, I can barely drive my car right
    I get in the way every single day and night
    I’m slow and act as if the road is mine
    I’m sure to stand still at each stop sign
    And I laugh when I cause you to miss a light

  172. Saint Patrick day is getting near
    I can taste the green drinks are here
    we should forget about the past
    and have ourselves a blast
    Don’t be shy my dear

  173. There once were five kids on one family
    Their mother, a goofball, quite hammy
    Though to love them, she thought
    She embarrassed the lot
    Can’t blame her for trying, now can we?

  174. There once was a boy all of two
    Said he had to go to the loo
    Mother was stalling
    Farmville was calling
    And now she has to buy him new shoes

  175. There once was a woman called mother
    She was crazy and sane like no other
    She wore many hats
    And sensible flats
    In spite of it all how we love her

  176. “Quantum Mechanics”
    A quantum mechanic named Mark
    Fell in love with a beautiful Quark.
    But all that she gave
    Was a particle wave.
    So he sits all alone in the dark.

  177. Pingback: There Once Was A…. | Susan Koefod

  178. Pingback: Lulu Blog » Lulu Limerick Contest Winners

  179. There once was a gremlin named Fred.
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    he rode on his bike
    and took a hike
    the gremlin is now in bed!

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